Introducing XDA Forum Violation Passes: Stick it to the big man if you’ve got the dough [Update]
The XDA Forums have been the primary home to millions of members and numerous community projects. As we enter our 20th anniversary this year, it’s time we address one of the biggest complaints that forum users have with the forums. We hear you: the XDA Forums have rules, and you don’t like rules. And we’d like to present a solution to this complaint today, something that makes all of us happy. It took us two decades of pretending to listen, and now we finally have.
The XDA Forums have long operated upon a set of governing rules that all members are expected to read and obey. Violating the rules can lead to post deletions, infractions, and eventually a ban. But who are we kidding? This is the Internet, and as our News Portal stats indicate, people don’t like to read, much less obey. The end result of our insistence to enforce rules is that users who just want to have a good time without a care in the world are faced with disappearing messages and long walls of text that they just couldn’t give two ***** about.
As we march forward into the decentralized Web 3.0 era, it’s time we recognize internet users’ rights guaranteed under the First Amendment of the Global Internet Charter to an open and deletion-free forum board. We deeply care about these rights, and we’re cognizant of how important they are to our wealthy readers and to our bottom line. So today, we take this opportunity to introduce XDA Forum Violation Passes, a subscription-based license to do your own thing on the XDA Forums.
XDA Forum Violation Passes are the perfect synergy between our need to be a sellout and your desire to speak your mind and tell people on the Internet how wrong they really are. Forum Violation Passes come in three tiers to cater to a wide set of requirements from our forum users. With the Forum Violation Passes, subscribed forum members get a free pass on rule violations, commercial website spam, kang violations, and the ability to insult their choice of Forum Moderators and Senior Moderators. What’s more, these passes also include the ultimate ability to win an argument online: you can get forum members of your choosing banned!
The three levels of XDA Forum Violation Passes are:
- 10 Rule Violations
- 5 Moderators to Insult
- 3 Commercial Website Spam
- 2 Project Kangs
- 1 Member Ban
- $199 only
- Validity: 1 year
- 25 Rule Violations
- 15 Moderators to Insult
- 5 Senior Moderators to Insult
- 10 Commercial Website Spam
- 4 Project Kangs
- 5 Member Bans
- $499 only
- Validity: 1 year
- UNLIMITED Rule Violations
- Insult ALL the Moderators
- Insult ALL the Senior Moderators
- Spam UNLIMITED Commercial Websites
- Kang UNLIMITED Projects
- 20 Member Bans
- $999 only
- Validity: 1 year
All tiers include a custom [FVP] prefix in front of your forum title to let other forum plebs know who’s the boss of the forums. As long as the money keeps rolling in, subscribed forum members will no longer have mods raining on their parade. You finally get to unleash your true self upon millions of hapless forum members, who’d be left with no option but to either grin and bear it, or pony up to give it back to you. It’s a win-win for all involved, and us especially, and we absolutely fail to see any way this can go wrong.
In the future, we plan to expand Forum Violation Passes with the ability to create 50-member Gangs, allowing Hothead whales to level up and run their own online syndicate. Further down the line, spendthrifts and squanderers can participate in Gang vs Gang wars in this Clash of Gangs. We have more ambitious plans for the future, and we will share them with you in due time. And don’t worry, there will be no Batman in this Gotham City.
What are you waiting for? Grease our palms and watch us look the other way!
* Rules continue to be applicable if you are not subscribed to a Forum Violation Pass. You will be infracted and banned upon rule violations if you haven’t paid up.
** Forum Violation Pass is restricted to Forums only. Portal Comments Pass is a separate $499 add-on. Intenet Pass is a separate $499,999 add-on. Keyboard for angry button-mashing sold separately.
*** Hurt feelings are not included.
Update: Happy April Fools!
If it wasn’t obvious by now, this was an April Fools joke. We hope you enjoyed our small attempt to have some fun. Thanks to the wonderful moderator team in the XDA Forums for the idea, and for continuing to do a wonderful job at keeping our forums clean and friendly.